I realize that I do not blog enough. I would like to, but it slips my mind as so many things do these days, and I find myself having not written at all for months on end. So I would like to take a moment an apologize to any faithful reader I might have for posting as seldom as I have been. (I don't know if anyone really reads this, but I do know it is getting viewed, so I have some hope.)
I would like to gain more popularity, to know that at least someone likes what they see on this little speck in cyberspace, but I realize that is an unfair wish as I hardly post anything. I am just as bad as they come, and kind of hypocritical too, though I've gotten better. I want all the blogs I read to post regularly, but I am the worst of the lot. So I will try to do better.
However, if you do read this, I would like some feedback. It does not have to be your thoughts about what I post, I would love it if you asked be questions or gave me suggestions of what to write about. If I am going to entertain an audience, I would love for them to have a little say in what they are reading about. Certainly it will be my viewpoints, but you the reader will maybe get to choose some of that.
I hope that in the future I will blog more, but I make no promises for fear of breaking them. Keep coming back, and I will try hard to keep posting!
Love you all!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Small Talk
I am not blessed with the gift of small talk.
Some people can float in on a cloud of good graces and know just exactly what to say and how to say it. Not me. I stumble through introductions and formalities, struggling to find the right words. Once the initial introductions have been made, I am at a loss for words, and my mind goes blank, as if someone had clicked the erase button on my hard drive.
If I can think of something I can say, I instantly disregard it as silly, trivial, or downright inappropriate for the present conversation (or lack thereof) and thus begin to panic that I cannot say anything appropriate. My train of thought spins round in circles, feeling more like a merry-go-round than a train. I stand there torn between saying something and making myself look like a fool, or not saying anything at all, until a sufficient amount of time has passed to make me look foolish anyway. My brain then begins to over-analyze the situation, and inwardly my panic rises even more, as I am sure the person I am supposed to be conversing with thinks I am uncivil, stupid, or stuck up, when really, I am just tongue-tied. I am sure they hate me. I tend to mumble something hasty and probably callous, then quickly take my leave.
I am not proud of this feat.
I do not want to be considered stuck up because I did not greet a classmate upon my entrance to the classroom right behind her when she was the only other person there at the moment. I simply could not think of anything appropriate to greet her with.
"That color looks great on you. I love green sweaters," probably would have been just fine. The simple statement had the audacity to not enter my mind until an awkward amount of time had passed however, and I felt insecure saying anything at that point. So I sat in my seat and felt silly and foolish and, yes, a little bit like she thought I was stuck up.
I want to be able to apologize for my strange attempts at smalltalk, or my silence when words would be more appropriate. But how do you walk up to someone and say, "I'm sorry, I am really bad at small talk. So this is my attempt...." and then go on to say whatever else I am thinking at the time? It just sounds a little funny to me.
The biggest problem is that I want to talk to people. I want to be able to converse on a daily basis with others. However, unless that initial hurdle, the small talk hurdle, is jumped, people seem to think I am equally strange for presenting my big ideas, all the thoughts that happen constantly in my head, right away.
It seems that small talk is the only way to make friends, anyway. It is the logical place to start; it is the only place to start, really. But unless I already know someone, for some reason, or we have something quite obviously in common (like running cross country or playing the violin) I simply cannot take that step and start a simple conversation. Parties are dreaded for me unless I know I can spend the night with one or two people I already know.
I want to fix this problem. How do you improve small talk stills? I don't know. But I do know that I will keep trying and keep making a fool of myself over and over until I get it right. And most likely, it will never get easy. There will be times when I will prefer to sit and people-watch instead of talk with them. And if you see me doing that, don't assume I think I'm better than those people. Don't assume I don't want to have conversation. Just know that I will gladly talk to you if you come over and engage me, because I just haven't found the proper way to engage myself yet.
Let me know of any advice you have, or if you suffer from the same problem. I would love to hear from you!
Some people can float in on a cloud of good graces and know just exactly what to say and how to say it. Not me. I stumble through introductions and formalities, struggling to find the right words. Once the initial introductions have been made, I am at a loss for words, and my mind goes blank, as if someone had clicked the erase button on my hard drive.
If I can think of something I can say, I instantly disregard it as silly, trivial, or downright inappropriate for the present conversation (or lack thereof) and thus begin to panic that I cannot say anything appropriate. My train of thought spins round in circles, feeling more like a merry-go-round than a train. I stand there torn between saying something and making myself look like a fool, or not saying anything at all, until a sufficient amount of time has passed to make me look foolish anyway. My brain then begins to over-analyze the situation, and inwardly my panic rises even more, as I am sure the person I am supposed to be conversing with thinks I am uncivil, stupid, or stuck up, when really, I am just tongue-tied. I am sure they hate me. I tend to mumble something hasty and probably callous, then quickly take my leave.
I am not proud of this feat.
I do not want to be considered stuck up because I did not greet a classmate upon my entrance to the classroom right behind her when she was the only other person there at the moment. I simply could not think of anything appropriate to greet her with.
"That color looks great on you. I love green sweaters," probably would have been just fine. The simple statement had the audacity to not enter my mind until an awkward amount of time had passed however, and I felt insecure saying anything at that point. So I sat in my seat and felt silly and foolish and, yes, a little bit like she thought I was stuck up.
I want to be able to apologize for my strange attempts at smalltalk, or my silence when words would be more appropriate. But how do you walk up to someone and say, "I'm sorry, I am really bad at small talk. So this is my attempt...." and then go on to say whatever else I am thinking at the time? It just sounds a little funny to me.
The biggest problem is that I want to talk to people. I want to be able to converse on a daily basis with others. However, unless that initial hurdle, the small talk hurdle, is jumped, people seem to think I am equally strange for presenting my big ideas, all the thoughts that happen constantly in my head, right away.
It seems that small talk is the only way to make friends, anyway. It is the logical place to start; it is the only place to start, really. But unless I already know someone, for some reason, or we have something quite obviously in common (like running cross country or playing the violin) I simply cannot take that step and start a simple conversation. Parties are dreaded for me unless I know I can spend the night with one or two people I already know.
I want to fix this problem. How do you improve small talk stills? I don't know. But I do know that I will keep trying and keep making a fool of myself over and over until I get it right. And most likely, it will never get easy. There will be times when I will prefer to sit and people-watch instead of talk with them. And if you see me doing that, don't assume I think I'm better than those people. Don't assume I don't want to have conversation. Just know that I will gladly talk to you if you come over and engage me, because I just haven't found the proper way to engage myself yet.
Let me know of any advice you have, or if you suffer from the same problem. I would love to hear from you!
Friday, September 14, 2012
Tired
I am always tired lately.
Physically tired, yes, because I am so busy lately with school, cross country, and violin prep for all-state tryouts. But I'm tired in more than just that.
I'm tired of not knowing. I'm tired of asking, and not getting any reply, any indication that what I'm leaning toward is where I should be heading. I'm tired of not being able to voice what I want. I'm even more tired of not really knowing what I want. I'm tired of people asking and not really wanting to know, tired of not being satisfied with a number of different things, tired of looking and looking and being discouraged at every turn. Tired of being so swamped with things, and not wanting to do any of them. Tired of school. Tired of homework and practice and not getting where I want to when I run.
Matthew 11:29 comes to mind. But nothing changes. I try, and I'm tired of trying and getting no results. Nothing changes. nothing happens. I'm still tired.
And I'm tired of being tired.
Physically tired, yes, because I am so busy lately with school, cross country, and violin prep for all-state tryouts. But I'm tired in more than just that.
I'm tired of not knowing. I'm tired of asking, and not getting any reply, any indication that what I'm leaning toward is where I should be heading. I'm tired of not being able to voice what I want. I'm even more tired of not really knowing what I want. I'm tired of people asking and not really wanting to know, tired of not being satisfied with a number of different things, tired of looking and looking and being discouraged at every turn. Tired of being so swamped with things, and not wanting to do any of them. Tired of school. Tired of homework and practice and not getting where I want to when I run.
Matthew 11:29 comes to mind. But nothing changes. I try, and I'm tired of trying and getting no results. Nothing changes. nothing happens. I'm still tired.
And I'm tired of being tired.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
College Qualms, Thoughts, and Wishes
College. That big scary word that hoovers just above us in the sky. It is the place we all want to reach, yet we shy away at the same time, trying to make our high school moments last just a little bit longer.
I've been thinking tons about college lately, not surprising since I am about to start my senior year of High School (AHHHH!). Well, thinking is a bit of an understatement. Worrying would be a more accurate term.
Where am I going to go? What am I going to do? What am I going to do AFTER college? How am I going to pay for it? What if I don't get any scholarships? What if no one accepts me? What if I pick the wrong school? What If I can't pay for the school I decide I want to go to?
On and on, you get the picture. A build up of worry and emotion that doesn't all need to be there.
I've done some researching, but seem to have gotten nowhere. For some reason, I've felt a draw to Illinois schools recently. I'm not sure if it's simply because I really really REALLY would love to go to Northwestern University (they have an excellent english lit program, I believe) or if my draw is because I really am supposed to go somewhere in Illinois. At any rate, most of my looking has been into Illinois Schools, some state universities and some other (Wheaton College, for example).
Is all this just nonsense? Should I just give up and go to Iowa State? Somehow, that prospect does not sound quite as appealing as it did a few years ago.
The one thing I have learned for certain, however, is quite discouraging. Most out of state schools offer almost double the tuition cost. Private schools can be an exception, but they are already expensive as-is. Western Illinois University is the exception for me because Iowa Students (among a few other states) are considered in-state.
This really confuses me. I mean, I understand that the schools want money and all, and there are probably some other technical reasons behind some of the cost, but I do not see the reason for charging students more to go somewhere other than "home".
Isn't the whole point of college to gain experience and learn to live on your own, and to learn life lessons and to explore the world? I mean, yes, college is about the formal education, and getting a good job afterwards, but only in part. College is, or should be, about a whole lot of other things than just simply book-smarts.
(Don't get me wrong, I love having book-smarts. Ask anyone, I'm an avid reader, and quite a bit of a nerd. I like having good grades. That's just not the point.)
Life should be about living, and living to the full. Learning everything you can about everyone and everything and everywhere. Taking chances and doing new things. I'm not saying you can't do those sorts of things at an in-state school. I'm sure you can. Obviously, I have no hands on, personal experience. I simply wish that students like myself could have the option of staying in-state, or going out of state without huge financial burdens dragging us down.
Perhaps I say this because I live in Iowa, and quite frankly, it would be nice to get out for a few years. I know not everyone who reads this (assuming someone is reading this) will have lived their whole life in Iowa. If you get down to the logistics, I haven't even lived here my whole life. But every memory I have (save a few fleeting wisps from my childhood) were made whilst I lived here. Don't get me wrong, I have traveled a bit, and do have memories of visiting other parts of the states. But I have no memory of ever LIVING somewhere else. And to be perfectly honest, I find Iowa a bit bland at times. Cornfield after cornfield, with an occasional bean field stuck in. The writer in me longs for a change of scenery, and I very much wish to live in a place I've hardly ever been: the city.
Though I would consider myself mostly a country girl, I think it would be beneficial to live in the city for a time, and to explore what the city life has to offer. I've always wondered what it would be like to live next to a large expanse of water, in the middle of a rushing crowd of noise. Chicago college life appeals to me for some strange reason. Perhaps it is just the prospective author longing to get out and glimpse the world early. Or even just the hopeful writer wanting to see life outside the same-old little Iowa mix of people. It could even be a budding journalist hoping to gain some understanding about the diversity of human beings. Whatever the case, I long for change. And college seems to be the perfect time to do it. I am convinced I would not absolutely loath city life to the point I would return before my four years were up, but I relish in the idea that if I truly am country at heart, I could get this bit of me out of my system, while gaining some valuable insight into myself and the lives of others.
All this to say, I really wish I could go to an out of state State University (ideally Illinois/Chicago Area) for a lower cost. A 'normal' cost, if you will. Something that won't keep me paying off student loans for the rest of my life. So mostly, this is a small rant. Kudos to you if you made it this far without giving up :) And now that I've gotten this off my chest, I think I will go do a little praying about it. At the very least, maybe I can stop worrying.
Please Please PLEASE comment below! I would love to know that at least someone is reading this! Even if the world inside my head is a bit strange.....
I've been thinking tons about college lately, not surprising since I am about to start my senior year of High School (AHHHH!). Well, thinking is a bit of an understatement. Worrying would be a more accurate term.
Where am I going to go? What am I going to do? What am I going to do AFTER college? How am I going to pay for it? What if I don't get any scholarships? What if no one accepts me? What if I pick the wrong school? What If I can't pay for the school I decide I want to go to?
On and on, you get the picture. A build up of worry and emotion that doesn't all need to be there.
I've done some researching, but seem to have gotten nowhere. For some reason, I've felt a draw to Illinois schools recently. I'm not sure if it's simply because I really really REALLY would love to go to Northwestern University (they have an excellent english lit program, I believe) or if my draw is because I really am supposed to go somewhere in Illinois. At any rate, most of my looking has been into Illinois Schools, some state universities and some other (Wheaton College, for example).
Is all this just nonsense? Should I just give up and go to Iowa State? Somehow, that prospect does not sound quite as appealing as it did a few years ago.
The one thing I have learned for certain, however, is quite discouraging. Most out of state schools offer almost double the tuition cost. Private schools can be an exception, but they are already expensive as-is. Western Illinois University is the exception for me because Iowa Students (among a few other states) are considered in-state.
This really confuses me. I mean, I understand that the schools want money and all, and there are probably some other technical reasons behind some of the cost, but I do not see the reason for charging students more to go somewhere other than "home".
Isn't the whole point of college to gain experience and learn to live on your own, and to learn life lessons and to explore the world? I mean, yes, college is about the formal education, and getting a good job afterwards, but only in part. College is, or should be, about a whole lot of other things than just simply book-smarts.
(Don't get me wrong, I love having book-smarts. Ask anyone, I'm an avid reader, and quite a bit of a nerd. I like having good grades. That's just not the point.)
Life should be about living, and living to the full. Learning everything you can about everyone and everything and everywhere. Taking chances and doing new things. I'm not saying you can't do those sorts of things at an in-state school. I'm sure you can. Obviously, I have no hands on, personal experience. I simply wish that students like myself could have the option of staying in-state, or going out of state without huge financial burdens dragging us down.
Perhaps I say this because I live in Iowa, and quite frankly, it would be nice to get out for a few years. I know not everyone who reads this (assuming someone is reading this) will have lived their whole life in Iowa. If you get down to the logistics, I haven't even lived here my whole life. But every memory I have (save a few fleeting wisps from my childhood) were made whilst I lived here. Don't get me wrong, I have traveled a bit, and do have memories of visiting other parts of the states. But I have no memory of ever LIVING somewhere else. And to be perfectly honest, I find Iowa a bit bland at times. Cornfield after cornfield, with an occasional bean field stuck in. The writer in me longs for a change of scenery, and I very much wish to live in a place I've hardly ever been: the city.
Though I would consider myself mostly a country girl, I think it would be beneficial to live in the city for a time, and to explore what the city life has to offer. I've always wondered what it would be like to live next to a large expanse of water, in the middle of a rushing crowd of noise. Chicago college life appeals to me for some strange reason. Perhaps it is just the prospective author longing to get out and glimpse the world early. Or even just the hopeful writer wanting to see life outside the same-old little Iowa mix of people. It could even be a budding journalist hoping to gain some understanding about the diversity of human beings. Whatever the case, I long for change. And college seems to be the perfect time to do it. I am convinced I would not absolutely loath city life to the point I would return before my four years were up, but I relish in the idea that if I truly am country at heart, I could get this bit of me out of my system, while gaining some valuable insight into myself and the lives of others.
All this to say, I really wish I could go to an out of state State University (ideally Illinois/Chicago Area) for a lower cost. A 'normal' cost, if you will. Something that won't keep me paying off student loans for the rest of my life. So mostly, this is a small rant. Kudos to you if you made it this far without giving up :) And now that I've gotten this off my chest, I think I will go do a little praying about it. At the very least, maybe I can stop worrying.
Please Please PLEASE comment below! I would love to know that at least someone is reading this! Even if the world inside my head is a bit strange.....
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
I wonder if I'll actually finish it this time....
I'm writing a book.
Not everyone knows this, and if you do, I would like to let you know that it is a different plot than i have previously been working on. Already, I almost have 2,000 words.
Actually, in more technical terms, I'm writing a novel.
I got this weird idea, and my mind wouldn't let it go. If i tell you the complete idea of how it came about, you will think me crazy, so I won't. But part of it has to do with my desire to visit Europe.
I'm going to tell you a little about it. Even though I don't like to do that usually. But here goes.
The main character is a girl named Ella. (Last name still unknown, leave suggestions in the comments!) She lives in America (I haven't decided where) with her Dad, step-Mom and two half-brothers. She moved from England when she was 3, leaving behind her Mum and older sister Olivia, who was 9 at the time. Now, 17-almost-18-year-old Ella wants to visit the sister she has never met, only read letters from. Feeling lost in her life, unsure of where to go next, she travels to London after graduating high school to stay with her Mum, and find her sister. 24 year old Livi has not contacted her mother in almost 2 years, and after some searching, Ella finally finds her and talks with her. Ella discovers that Livi is as lost as she is, and has strayed far from the path she set out on. Through a series of events and struggles, Ella and Livi discover their true desires and purposes in life, and find that they can change who they are.
So there is a brief, unedited, basic idea for this novel. Let me know what you think, suggestions for the title, if I should spell Livi differently, last names, or anything you think would be fun to read about that fits in the plotline! So, please, comment!
Not everyone knows this, and if you do, I would like to let you know that it is a different plot than i have previously been working on. Already, I almost have 2,000 words.
Actually, in more technical terms, I'm writing a novel.
I got this weird idea, and my mind wouldn't let it go. If i tell you the complete idea of how it came about, you will think me crazy, so I won't. But part of it has to do with my desire to visit Europe.
I'm going to tell you a little about it. Even though I don't like to do that usually. But here goes.
The main character is a girl named Ella. (Last name still unknown, leave suggestions in the comments!) She lives in America (I haven't decided where) with her Dad, step-Mom and two half-brothers. She moved from England when she was 3, leaving behind her Mum and older sister Olivia, who was 9 at the time. Now, 17-almost-18-year-old Ella wants to visit the sister she has never met, only read letters from. Feeling lost in her life, unsure of where to go next, she travels to London after graduating high school to stay with her Mum, and find her sister. 24 year old Livi has not contacted her mother in almost 2 years, and after some searching, Ella finally finds her and talks with her. Ella discovers that Livi is as lost as she is, and has strayed far from the path she set out on. Through a series of events and struggles, Ella and Livi discover their true desires and purposes in life, and find that they can change who they are.
So there is a brief, unedited, basic idea for this novel. Let me know what you think, suggestions for the title, if I should spell Livi differently, last names, or anything you think would be fun to read about that fits in the plotline! So, please, comment!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Story of a Girl
This is the story of a girl who isn’t quite sure what she wants out of life, and spends most of her time feeling confused and wondering. She like indie music that she gets online (legally, I promise) and dabbles in novel writing and poetry, frequently wondering if it is plausible that she make a career out of it. She often stands in her bathroom in the morning and wonders if she could write nonfiction books, travel around the world giving speeches and starting organizations for struggling children and teens, all while somehow managing time for a very large family. Other times she feels sure she is destined to grow up alone, live in a city apartment somewhere as a freelance journalist and author with lots of cats that makes everyday visits to a certain, unique coffee shop (one her imagination came up with).
The funny thing is, she can see both scenarios in her mind, clear as day. It’s as if they were memories, not predictions of the future. Both seem as desirable as the other, and as unattractive. She feels she would enjoy life either way, and be as and lonely either way. And she’s not sure which path to choose.
You see, the thing is, this girl has known since she was young, if unconsciously for a time, that she would desire to be some sort of writer when she grew up. Her first poem was written at age 4, and short stories followed soon after. Most ended up being silly and practically plot-less, or even completely unfinished; but the point was that she liked writing. Liked it then, and still does. There comes a thrill in finding the right word to express one’s feelings, mixing ink on a page in a form of art different and more constructed than any other. The problem starts with her haphazard moods that change as frequently and randomly as the Iowa weather. One day her emotion leans so strongly in one direction that she is quizzical as to why the other option even arose in the first place. Five minutes later, the feeling is gone, and with its leave comes the daydreams of another, opposite, life. Of one thing she is certain: she wants to write something that will change the world, or at least make people think for a while.
I promise, I’m not crazy. Or maybe I am. I guess we’ll never know. Maybe we are all a little bit crazy. And weird. But after all, if no one was weird, we would all be normal, and where’s the fun in that? So even though this is long and maybe confusing, and mostly a ramble of nonsense, I guess it’s my way of being weird.
Maybe one day the girl will stop dreaming and figure out where she’s supposed to be. And maybe, just maybe, it will be one of the places she’s dreamed of, or an incredible mix of both.
The funny thing is, she can see both scenarios in her mind, clear as day. It’s as if they were memories, not predictions of the future. Both seem as desirable as the other, and as unattractive. She feels she would enjoy life either way, and be as and lonely either way. And she’s not sure which path to choose.
You see, the thing is, this girl has known since she was young, if unconsciously for a time, that she would desire to be some sort of writer when she grew up. Her first poem was written at age 4, and short stories followed soon after. Most ended up being silly and practically plot-less, or even completely unfinished; but the point was that she liked writing. Liked it then, and still does. There comes a thrill in finding the right word to express one’s feelings, mixing ink on a page in a form of art different and more constructed than any other. The problem starts with her haphazard moods that change as frequently and randomly as the Iowa weather. One day her emotion leans so strongly in one direction that she is quizzical as to why the other option even arose in the first place. Five minutes later, the feeling is gone, and with its leave comes the daydreams of another, opposite, life. Of one thing she is certain: she wants to write something that will change the world, or at least make people think for a while.
I promise, I’m not crazy. Or maybe I am. I guess we’ll never know. Maybe we are all a little bit crazy. And weird. But after all, if no one was weird, we would all be normal, and where’s the fun in that? So even though this is long and maybe confusing, and mostly a ramble of nonsense, I guess it’s my way of being weird.
Maybe one day the girl will stop dreaming and figure out where she’s supposed to be. And maybe, just maybe, it will be one of the places she’s dreamed of, or an incredible mix of both.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Tulips
Another Journal assignment for school... enjoy!
Tulips have been my favorite flowers for as long as I can remember. Like roses, they have different meanings for different colors, and are often associated with love. Unlike roses, however, they are simple and usually only have about 6 petals.
Though they are originally from Persia and Turkey, today we often associate tulips with the Netherlands. Since I was born in the Netherlands, (my dad was in the military stationed in Germany) this may be part of the reason I identify with tulips so much. Even though I’m not Dutch, I will always feel like the Netherlands are a part of me, and with that comes tulips.
Tulips to me are the way life should be viewed. Simple, fragile, and beautiful no matter what. Tulips have few petals, and from the outside are very simple and symmetric. They are neat and orderly, drawing in the left-brained parts of me, but also all the colors and sizes draw in the right brained side.
All flowers are fragile, but some can be survive longer after they are cut. Tulips are not this type of flower. They are very short lived once you bring them in from the garden. Life is like that too. It is fragile, and we never know how long it is going to last. Instead of thinking that it will last forever, we should assume that it will not survive very long and live accordingly.
Tulips are also very elegant and beautiful. It sounds cliché to say it, but I believe that all life is beautiful. With flowers, we only ever see the beauty. We have learned to see the beauty they will become while they are still buds, and the beauty they have been even after they have wilted. We can look past the defects and see the flower as a whole, simple and elegant and lovely. People should be viewed as such. We should not look down on children because they have not yet grown, or the elderly because they are past their prime. Everyone has some defects, but learning to look past that and see the inner beauty of all is a challenge that we should strive to overcome.
Tulips portray the way I want to be seen, inside and outside. On the outside they are simple and pleasing to the eye, but on the inside they are mysterious and protected and hidden. Not everyone has seen the inside of a tulip, how they are darker at the bottom of the petals. One has to go looking for the extra beauty that is hidden inside a tulip. The outside is entrancing and beautiful, but the inside is simply breath taking. The outside is sophisticated and elegant, but the inside is deep and refined and stunning. I want to appear sophisticated, smart, elegant and refined, but I want the right people, or person, to find that I am also intellectual, distinguished and incredible to them. I want the deepest, most intricate parts of myself hidden for only those that truly love me to find. I want my darkest secrets revealed only to those I know I can truly trust; the ones that search for it and do not give up.
I could write about tulips forever, but I’m afraid it would turn into mostly rambling, and I’ve touched on everything that initially comes to mind. Tulips are beautiful, inside and out, and we should value people in the same exact way, regardless of what we first see.
Tulips have been my favorite flowers for as long as I can remember. Like roses, they have different meanings for different colors, and are often associated with love. Unlike roses, however, they are simple and usually only have about 6 petals.
Though they are originally from Persia and Turkey, today we often associate tulips with the Netherlands. Since I was born in the Netherlands, (my dad was in the military stationed in Germany) this may be part of the reason I identify with tulips so much. Even though I’m not Dutch, I will always feel like the Netherlands are a part of me, and with that comes tulips.
Tulips to me are the way life should be viewed. Simple, fragile, and beautiful no matter what. Tulips have few petals, and from the outside are very simple and symmetric. They are neat and orderly, drawing in the left-brained parts of me, but also all the colors and sizes draw in the right brained side.
All flowers are fragile, but some can be survive longer after they are cut. Tulips are not this type of flower. They are very short lived once you bring them in from the garden. Life is like that too. It is fragile, and we never know how long it is going to last. Instead of thinking that it will last forever, we should assume that it will not survive very long and live accordingly.
Tulips are also very elegant and beautiful. It sounds cliché to say it, but I believe that all life is beautiful. With flowers, we only ever see the beauty. We have learned to see the beauty they will become while they are still buds, and the beauty they have been even after they have wilted. We can look past the defects and see the flower as a whole, simple and elegant and lovely. People should be viewed as such. We should not look down on children because they have not yet grown, or the elderly because they are past their prime. Everyone has some defects, but learning to look past that and see the inner beauty of all is a challenge that we should strive to overcome.
Tulips portray the way I want to be seen, inside and outside. On the outside they are simple and pleasing to the eye, but on the inside they are mysterious and protected and hidden. Not everyone has seen the inside of a tulip, how they are darker at the bottom of the petals. One has to go looking for the extra beauty that is hidden inside a tulip. The outside is entrancing and beautiful, but the inside is simply breath taking. The outside is sophisticated and elegant, but the inside is deep and refined and stunning. I want to appear sophisticated, smart, elegant and refined, but I want the right people, or person, to find that I am also intellectual, distinguished and incredible to them. I want the deepest, most intricate parts of myself hidden for only those that truly love me to find. I want my darkest secrets revealed only to those I know I can truly trust; the ones that search for it and do not give up.
I could write about tulips forever, but I’m afraid it would turn into mostly rambling, and I’ve touched on everything that initially comes to mind. Tulips are beautiful, inside and out, and we should value people in the same exact way, regardless of what we first see.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Fun times...
So I realize that this blog is probably really boring since it is mostly just words, and sometimes it hard to just sit and read words. So I'm going to try and post more pictures with my posts, and now that I bought my sister's old camera, that may just become easier! (I had a camera before, but It had some issues and I didn't really like to use it much.)As of right now, however, I don't have many photos from recent days, so I'll have to put up some old ones.
Side note: this does not mean I am a photographer, nor is this a photography blog. I just thought it would be fun for you to see a little glimpse into my life.
this is from almost four years ago, but i still really like it. Such a beautiful flower. :)
Where I was a year ago! New Orleans :)
Kinda cool lighting...
These guys were so cool! Saw so many human statues in New Orleans! This guy scared us many times that day....
Earlier in the trip we went here... :)
Memphis!!! :)
And this is what you see when you look down Beale Street...
I leave you with an oldie from 2005 of me and my bestie :)
Sometimes I wonder why people were friends with me back then..... :) haha
Enjoy the rest of Spring break, those that have it this week. Those that don't, enjoy the nice weather when you can!
Side note: this does not mean I am a photographer, nor is this a photography blog. I just thought it would be fun for you to see a little glimpse into my life.
Earlier in the trip we went here... :)
Memphis!!! :)
I leave you with an oldie from 2005 of me and my bestie :)
Enjoy the rest of Spring break, those that have it this week. Those that don't, enjoy the nice weather when you can!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Just Me.
I've started working on a new little project over spring break. Just an early little idea, not much has gone into it yet but thinking, and creating in my head. As for words on the paper, they are slow. I've had so many times where i start something and it doesn't work out that I want to make sure and get it right this time :) If you are interested, shoot me a message, email or comment and I'll keep you updated. Actually, I may just update on here. But send me a message, email, or comment anyway! (For those that don't know, I fancy myself an amateur writer.)
However, I don't know how much I'm going to get done, since my lovely sister just recently introduced me to this young couple. I'm now obsessed. Haha not quite, but I do really like looking at all of their things. She is the girl I'd like to be, style wise.
Also, pintrest is realllyyy distracting. You have no idea. or maybe you do. But I will say (a bit proudly) that I was creative today for a change and made this little guy for one of my friends. :)
(its a card, if you couldn't tell. and its flipped and a bad pic since I took it on photobooth. Sorry. But you get the idea :) )
I really would like to be more creative. I also can't until I buy my sister's old camera, and start doing some picture stuff. :) Also, I'm just really glad its spring break right now. :)
Thats all for now. I should get back to writing. or watching videos, downloading stuff from Noise Trade, and browsing pintrest rather. Just kidding, I really am going to go write. But i will leave you with this picture from New Orleans almost exactly a year ago. Make of it what you want.
However, I don't know how much I'm going to get done, since my lovely sister just recently introduced me to this young couple. I'm now obsessed. Haha not quite, but I do really like looking at all of their things. She is the girl I'd like to be, style wise.
Also, pintrest is realllyyy distracting. You have no idea. or maybe you do. But I will say (a bit proudly) that I was creative today for a change and made this little guy for one of my friends. :)
(its a card, if you couldn't tell. and its flipped and a bad pic since I took it on photobooth. Sorry. But you get the idea :) )
I really would like to be more creative. I also can't until I buy my sister's old camera, and start doing some picture stuff. :) Also, I'm just really glad its spring break right now. :)
Thats all for now. I should get back to writing. or watching videos, downloading stuff from Noise Trade, and browsing pintrest rather. Just kidding, I really am going to go write. But i will leave you with this picture from New Orleans almost exactly a year ago. Make of it what you want.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Famine
Even though I’ve started getting really excited for the 30 hour Famine this year, I find myself putting off fundraising for a more ‘convenient’ time. I convince myself that I will do it tomorrow, or later in the week, but I never get around to it. I forget and put it off, and don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to pressure anyone into giving me money, even though it’s for a good cause.
Every year is a new experience with the Famine. I would say its fun, but that’s not the right word. Not only is it not strong enough, it does not totally capture the meaning behind the Famine. No, instead, I like to say the Famine is humbling. Spending 30 hours without food is a challenge to say the least. However, our experiences do not even begin to come close to the lives of the children we participate for. We are allowed to drink juice along with water and other beverages if we choose. When you’re hyped up on sugar from apple, grape, and even orange juice, the hunger issue is not as difficult a hurdle to jump.
The first time I did the famine, I drank plenty of juice, ran around with my friends and had a great time. The second time was similar, although I went part of the first day without any juice, probably only about 8 hours. Both times weren’t all that hard, and our service project consisted of going to the food bank. We went home and slept in our own beds at night instead of staying at the church, and had our hot meal on the dot at the end of the 30 hours (it may have been late the first year. I don’t remember now).
Last year was tougher. My friend Sara and I decided to go as long as we possibly could without drinking any juice, only water. Though I started the day with a nice breakfast, going without juice got hard after school. When I got to church, it was better, because everyone felt basically the same way and we had activities planned to keep us occupied.
One of the things we did was create a shantytown in the parking lot, with boxes and duct tape.The people driving by the church probably thought we were crazy. Our plan this year was to stay the night at the church, hopefully outside in boxes.
Sara and I built a little ‘home’ for the two of us to sleep in, with barely enough room for both of us, and not quite long enough for either of our legs. We had plenty of blankets, but it was a chilly day. When the wind picked up, most of our teammates opted to sleep on the floor inside the foyer of the church. A few of the boys stayed outside, along with Sara and I, who moved our box underneath the overhang by the drive up drop off.
It was freezing before we even began to fall asleep. But the blankets and shared body heat must have been enough, because Sara and I fell asleep and slept for a while, even on the cold, hard cement. I woke up in the middle of the night to howling wind, with frozen toes, and a strong urge to use the restroom.
Sara and I went into the church after doing all we could to make sure our house didn’t blow away. Everyone else had moved inside, and was sound asleep. We used the bathroom successfully did not wake anyone up. My head hurt so badly, that I knew I wouldn’t fall back asleep easily. We opted to get a small glass of juice, knowing we needed it. It was about 3 o’clock in the morning. We had gone almost 20 hours drinking only water.
Miraculously, we slept until about 6:30, when other people started moving. Sara and I remained the only ones who stayed outside in the cold all night. Our service project that day was equally miserable, as it was misty and cloudy and we cleaned a section of the highway. We got done a little late, too, so our lunch was late, and we probably went almost 31 hours without food.
I’m not complaining though. Nothing I experienced comes close to the suffering of many around the world. I would do it over again, and I’m going to do it over again, for as long as I can. Raising money to feed starving children around the world is enough to motivate me to go 30 hours without food (though I am still debating if I want to do only water again). It’s amazing to me that one single dollar can feed one child for one day. Every day, over 11,000 children under the age of 5 die because of hunger-related causes. Knowing I can make a difference motivates me to do something.
I want to change the poverty cycle, even if its only one child at a time. Even if the difference doesn’t look like much, it’s something.
That being said, I should really start fundraising. So, if you want to help, contact me. And, as always, pleas comment! :)
(photos Courtesy of Genesis Youth Ministries Facebook page)
Every year is a new experience with the Famine. I would say its fun, but that’s not the right word. Not only is it not strong enough, it does not totally capture the meaning behind the Famine. No, instead, I like to say the Famine is humbling. Spending 30 hours without food is a challenge to say the least. However, our experiences do not even begin to come close to the lives of the children we participate for. We are allowed to drink juice along with water and other beverages if we choose. When you’re hyped up on sugar from apple, grape, and even orange juice, the hunger issue is not as difficult a hurdle to jump.
The first time I did the famine, I drank plenty of juice, ran around with my friends and had a great time. The second time was similar, although I went part of the first day without any juice, probably only about 8 hours. Both times weren’t all that hard, and our service project consisted of going to the food bank. We went home and slept in our own beds at night instead of staying at the church, and had our hot meal on the dot at the end of the 30 hours (it may have been late the first year. I don’t remember now).
Last year was tougher. My friend Sara and I decided to go as long as we possibly could without drinking any juice, only water. Though I started the day with a nice breakfast, going without juice got hard after school. When I got to church, it was better, because everyone felt basically the same way and we had activities planned to keep us occupied.
One of the things we did was create a shantytown in the parking lot, with boxes and duct tape.The people driving by the church probably thought we were crazy. Our plan this year was to stay the night at the church, hopefully outside in boxes.
Sara and I built a little ‘home’ for the two of us to sleep in, with barely enough room for both of us, and not quite long enough for either of our legs. We had plenty of blankets, but it was a chilly day. When the wind picked up, most of our teammates opted to sleep on the floor inside the foyer of the church. A few of the boys stayed outside, along with Sara and I, who moved our box underneath the overhang by the drive up drop off.
It was freezing before we even began to fall asleep. But the blankets and shared body heat must have been enough, because Sara and I fell asleep and slept for a while, even on the cold, hard cement. I woke up in the middle of the night to howling wind, with frozen toes, and a strong urge to use the restroom.
Sara and I went into the church after doing all we could to make sure our house didn’t blow away. Everyone else had moved inside, and was sound asleep. We used the bathroom successfully did not wake anyone up. My head hurt so badly, that I knew I wouldn’t fall back asleep easily. We opted to get a small glass of juice, knowing we needed it. It was about 3 o’clock in the morning. We had gone almost 20 hours drinking only water.
Miraculously, we slept until about 6:30, when other people started moving. Sara and I remained the only ones who stayed outside in the cold all night. Our service project that day was equally miserable, as it was misty and cloudy and we cleaned a section of the highway. We got done a little late, too, so our lunch was late, and we probably went almost 31 hours without food.
I’m not complaining though. Nothing I experienced comes close to the suffering of many around the world. I would do it over again, and I’m going to do it over again, for as long as I can. Raising money to feed starving children around the world is enough to motivate me to go 30 hours without food (though I am still debating if I want to do only water again). It’s amazing to me that one single dollar can feed one child for one day. Every day, over 11,000 children under the age of 5 die because of hunger-related causes. Knowing I can make a difference motivates me to do something.
I want to change the poverty cycle, even if its only one child at a time. Even if the difference doesn’t look like much, it’s something.
That being said, I should really start fundraising. So, if you want to help, contact me. And, as always, pleas comment! :)
(photos Courtesy of Genesis Youth Ministries Facebook page)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Jalehl's Eyes
This isn't what I really wanted to post, but I thought it would be fun to put up anyway. It is a Journal I wrote this week for my Comp & Rhet class. Enjoy!
What I remember most clearly about my mission trip to Jamaica last summer were Jalehl’s eyes. They were big, coffee black, and watched me for the longest time at our first clinic. They were filled with hope, anticipation, sorrow and wonder, to name a few. I never knew so much emotion could be packed into a five-year-old’s eyes.
My trip to Jamaica with my dad as part of a medical mission with a group based in Ohio started on July 2nd, 2011 with a direct flight from Minneapolis to Montego Bay. We stayed at a hotel run by missionaries whose main purpose was to house groups coming in from the states. Though set up more like a motel, with many separate buildings in the compound, the space was comfortable, with air conditioned rooms at night, had great, home cooked Jamaican food, and a wonderful view. The first night, our team spend the majority of the evening sorting pills into baggies for the pharmacy would set up as part of the clinic on Monday.
The next day was Sunday, and we went to a church service hosted right inside the hotel compound. In the afternoon, we went to the infirmary, a ‘home’ for the mentally ill adults and elderly. We gave the residents juice, papaya, mango, and water. They absolutely loved the attention. I thought I would go home and most remember the joy on their faces forever.
But the next day, I met Jalehl. We were at our first clinic of the week, with hundreds of people waiting for hours before we got to the site. Most of the members of our group were medical students, with a few doctors, a dentist and his assistant, a chiropractor, one other woman and me to round it all out. It was a neat little operation we set up, with the pharmacy, triage, chiropractor’s area, dentist, and ‘exam stations’. That morning, as well as the next, I worked with the dentist, sterilizing tools. We hadn’t been there very long when I noticed a little boy hanging out around the steps right next to our ‘office’. I smiled at him, and asked his name, but he mumbled so softly that I couldn’t tell what he said. I thought nothing of it for a while, and kept doing my duty. He left for a little bit, and then came back. He just stood there and watched me.
After a while I noticed that he was watching me very particularly when I handed out the toothbrushes to the patients. We had a big black garbage sack of individually wrapped children’s toothbrushes. I asked him if he would like one, and he nodded, so I let him choose the color he liked best (out of blue, red, purple, and green). He took the toothbrush with such awe on his face, and after taking it out of it’s wrapping, and gently touching the bristles, he ran off with a smile. IT wasn’t long before he was back with about seven friends, all wanting a toothbrush. They were so excited to get one. Jalehl hung around even after that, watching everything with his big eyes, and only at the end of the day when his mother called for him to go did I find out his name.
I looked back on this experience later, realizing that it was the Fourth of July. Normally I would have been at my friend’s farm all day, participating in a church wide annual potluck. But this year, I gave a little boy his first toothbrush. Something that seems so trivial and boring to me made a world of difference to him.
Every time I think of trip to Jamaica, I think of Jalehl’s eyes. Sure, I remember the kid that wanted to take pictures on my camera, and the boy we taught to fist bump. I loved swimming in the clear, blue ocean, and shopping at the straw market. The tour we took of a ‘farm’ was spectacular too, especially the way we were served fresh sugarcane and coconuts that had just been cut with a machete (they use those for everything there!). I loved spending time with the people in our group, playing in the pool with them and making lunch together. I loved picking out paintings for my sister and mom, and drinking the best coffee in the world every morning with my toast and guava jelly. But the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Jamaica is a pair of huge, chocolate eyes on a little chocolate boy, and the joy that filled them when he was handed a toothbrush.
I want to remember to live that way. To take joy in the simple things. I want to reach out and realize that my life is wonderful, and I should be thankful for even small things like toothbrushes and coffee and swimming pools. I want to understand what makes others hurt, and how I can help them. I want to learn to see the truth in other people’s eyes, and how to look for the sparkle. Most of all, I want to remember how a little gift can mean so much, even if you would find it insignificant. And I will always remember who taught me this; a little Jamaican boy with clear, brown eyes.
What I remember most clearly about my mission trip to Jamaica last summer were Jalehl’s eyes. They were big, coffee black, and watched me for the longest time at our first clinic. They were filled with hope, anticipation, sorrow and wonder, to name a few. I never knew so much emotion could be packed into a five-year-old’s eyes.
My trip to Jamaica with my dad as part of a medical mission with a group based in Ohio started on July 2nd, 2011 with a direct flight from Minneapolis to Montego Bay. We stayed at a hotel run by missionaries whose main purpose was to house groups coming in from the states. Though set up more like a motel, with many separate buildings in the compound, the space was comfortable, with air conditioned rooms at night, had great, home cooked Jamaican food, and a wonderful view. The first night, our team spend the majority of the evening sorting pills into baggies for the pharmacy would set up as part of the clinic on Monday.
The next day was Sunday, and we went to a church service hosted right inside the hotel compound. In the afternoon, we went to the infirmary, a ‘home’ for the mentally ill adults and elderly. We gave the residents juice, papaya, mango, and water. They absolutely loved the attention. I thought I would go home and most remember the joy on their faces forever.
But the next day, I met Jalehl. We were at our first clinic of the week, with hundreds of people waiting for hours before we got to the site. Most of the members of our group were medical students, with a few doctors, a dentist and his assistant, a chiropractor, one other woman and me to round it all out. It was a neat little operation we set up, with the pharmacy, triage, chiropractor’s area, dentist, and ‘exam stations’. That morning, as well as the next, I worked with the dentist, sterilizing tools. We hadn’t been there very long when I noticed a little boy hanging out around the steps right next to our ‘office’. I smiled at him, and asked his name, but he mumbled so softly that I couldn’t tell what he said. I thought nothing of it for a while, and kept doing my duty. He left for a little bit, and then came back. He just stood there and watched me.
After a while I noticed that he was watching me very particularly when I handed out the toothbrushes to the patients. We had a big black garbage sack of individually wrapped children’s toothbrushes. I asked him if he would like one, and he nodded, so I let him choose the color he liked best (out of blue, red, purple, and green). He took the toothbrush with such awe on his face, and after taking it out of it’s wrapping, and gently touching the bristles, he ran off with a smile. IT wasn’t long before he was back with about seven friends, all wanting a toothbrush. They were so excited to get one. Jalehl hung around even after that, watching everything with his big eyes, and only at the end of the day when his mother called for him to go did I find out his name.
I looked back on this experience later, realizing that it was the Fourth of July. Normally I would have been at my friend’s farm all day, participating in a church wide annual potluck. But this year, I gave a little boy his first toothbrush. Something that seems so trivial and boring to me made a world of difference to him.
Every time I think of trip to Jamaica, I think of Jalehl’s eyes. Sure, I remember the kid that wanted to take pictures on my camera, and the boy we taught to fist bump. I loved swimming in the clear, blue ocean, and shopping at the straw market. The tour we took of a ‘farm’ was spectacular too, especially the way we were served fresh sugarcane and coconuts that had just been cut with a machete (they use those for everything there!). I loved spending time with the people in our group, playing in the pool with them and making lunch together. I loved picking out paintings for my sister and mom, and drinking the best coffee in the world every morning with my toast and guava jelly. But the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Jamaica is a pair of huge, chocolate eyes on a little chocolate boy, and the joy that filled them when he was handed a toothbrush.
I want to remember to live that way. To take joy in the simple things. I want to reach out and realize that my life is wonderful, and I should be thankful for even small things like toothbrushes and coffee and swimming pools. I want to understand what makes others hurt, and how I can help them. I want to learn to see the truth in other people’s eyes, and how to look for the sparkle. Most of all, I want to remember how a little gift can mean so much, even if you would find it insignificant. And I will always remember who taught me this; a little Jamaican boy with clear, brown eyes.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Busy.
I have some ranting to do. I just don't have time to do it tonight. SO you can look forward to a post that I am in the process of writing, but don't have time to get together completely and put up. Hopefully I will have time soon, maybe this weekend? Yup. Thats it for now folks. Don't forget to comment! :)
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Six words does not equal me.
(Disclaimer: I'm not there yet...)
Today I got this assignment in my Comp. and Rhet. class. We are to come up with a 6-word memoir that describes us. At first that sounds kind of easy. Oh, ok. I'll just write up a short little sentence about myself, put on a picture, and turn it in.
But I couldn't really think of anything.
I tried to brainstorm. But everything I came up with sounded stupid. Or didn't really describe me. Not fully, anyways. I wanted someting that would really grip people. Pull them in and make them think. It wasn't easy. So I gave it a break. Went to youth group and came home determined to try again..
The idea's started flowing:
Wishes are like prayers to me.
I am more complex than this
Music makes the darkness go away.
This Life isn't about me alone.
People are people anywhere you go.
Want to be more than this.
Experience is more important that knowledge.
Helping others=greatest thing for yourself.
Do. Don't. Trying isn't an option.
Yeah, ok. The last one sounds like Yoda. (I did kind of get the idea from him.) But as soon as I thought of it, I realized it is truer than I realized all these years.
We profess to be Christians. We go to Church on Sunday (and Wednesday), and say we believe in God, and have faith. Then we turn around and ignore the quiet kid alone at lunch, don't ask our friends to Church because we are afraid of what they will think. We pray for them but we don't talk to them. We don't go out of our comfort zones to do anything we don't want to. "Oh ye of little faith." Thats us.
We are like Luke, who turns to Yoda, and says doubtfully, "I'll try." but Yoda knows that without complete faith, it's not enough; its not worth it. Trying is not enough. If you don't want to commit fully to the task at hand, stop trying. Don't do it.
We need to stop TRYING. Trying isn't enough. Its a start, but it's not enough. If we really have faith in God, we will do what he commands whole-heartedly, no 'trying' involved. If it doesn't work, we should not be discouraged. God is in control, and maybe he was just testing us to see if we really did trust him.
Whenever I think of this, I think of Abraham. He didn't just try to believe in God. He believed that God would give him a son. And when God did give him a son, he kept that faith.
If Abraham had no more than tried to believe God was who he says he is, he would not have taken Isaac to sacrifice him. He would have said, "Ok, God. I tried this for a while. I tried trusting you and believing you, but this is just crazy. I quit." But he didn't. He said instead, "Ok, God. This is crazy, and even though its hard, I'm gonna believe you've got it all worked out in the end. I trust you because I said I would. I committed whole-heartedly, and I won't back out now."
If we try to be Christians, we won't be. Our light won't shine bright. We either are Christians, or we aren't. No halfway involved.
What if we all lived like this? How would the world be different? If we had true faith, we could change the world. And we probably would.
And that's where I got my six-word memoir.
WANTED: Faith to change the world.
Today I got this assignment in my Comp. and Rhet. class. We are to come up with a 6-word memoir that describes us. At first that sounds kind of easy. Oh, ok. I'll just write up a short little sentence about myself, put on a picture, and turn it in.
But I couldn't really think of anything.
I tried to brainstorm. But everything I came up with sounded stupid. Or didn't really describe me. Not fully, anyways. I wanted someting that would really grip people. Pull them in and make them think. It wasn't easy. So I gave it a break. Went to youth group and came home determined to try again..
The idea's started flowing:
Wishes are like prayers to me.
I am more complex than this
Music makes the darkness go away.
This Life isn't about me alone.
People are people anywhere you go.
Want to be more than this.
Experience is more important that knowledge.
Helping others=greatest thing for yourself.
Do. Don't. Trying isn't an option.
Yeah, ok. The last one sounds like Yoda. (I did kind of get the idea from him.) But as soon as I thought of it, I realized it is truer than I realized all these years.
We profess to be Christians. We go to Church on Sunday (and Wednesday), and say we believe in God, and have faith. Then we turn around and ignore the quiet kid alone at lunch, don't ask our friends to Church because we are afraid of what they will think. We pray for them but we don't talk to them. We don't go out of our comfort zones to do anything we don't want to. "Oh ye of little faith." Thats us.
We are like Luke, who turns to Yoda, and says doubtfully, "I'll try." but Yoda knows that without complete faith, it's not enough; its not worth it. Trying is not enough. If you don't want to commit fully to the task at hand, stop trying. Don't do it.
We need to stop TRYING. Trying isn't enough. Its a start, but it's not enough. If we really have faith in God, we will do what he commands whole-heartedly, no 'trying' involved. If it doesn't work, we should not be discouraged. God is in control, and maybe he was just testing us to see if we really did trust him.
Whenever I think of this, I think of Abraham. He didn't just try to believe in God. He believed that God would give him a son. And when God did give him a son, he kept that faith.
If Abraham had no more than tried to believe God was who he says he is, he would not have taken Isaac to sacrifice him. He would have said, "Ok, God. I tried this for a while. I tried trusting you and believing you, but this is just crazy. I quit." But he didn't. He said instead, "Ok, God. This is crazy, and even though its hard, I'm gonna believe you've got it all worked out in the end. I trust you because I said I would. I committed whole-heartedly, and I won't back out now."
If we try to be Christians, we won't be. Our light won't shine bright. We either are Christians, or we aren't. No halfway involved.
What if we all lived like this? How would the world be different? If we had true faith, we could change the world. And we probably would.
And that's where I got my six-word memoir.
WANTED: Faith to change the world.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Love Through Me
I found this new artist/band/group Jenny and Tyler, that I have absolutely fallen in love with. It also doesn't hurt that their website gave me 7 free songs for signing up for a monthly e-newsletter, but that's beside the point. The point is that they are really good, and they have some really good songs. (Seriously. Go look them up on youtube, or go to their website.)
Anyways, I was listening to this song, and decided i really like it. It might actually be my new favorite song right now. Its called Love Through Me. (well, that or Faint Not, which is constantly suck in my head) But Love Through Me is the perfect song for the 30 Hour Famine stuff, in my mind. I would love to sing it. Actually, Faint not wouldn't be that bad of a choice either....) The only problem is I'm not very good at guitar, and it would sound better with a guy singing along...
there is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until i can hardly breathe
love through me
i've never gone a day without a meal because i couldn't afford it
stood on a corner and begged for pennies, holding out a sign
call me blessed, but it sure does feel pathetic,
children ‘round the world are hungry now
so would i give up:
pillows and cable, clothing and candy,
if a boy could rest his tired bones?
would i lay down:
making all this money, just to have my milk and honey,
if my fellow man could get the chance to watch his children grow?
there is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until i can hardly breathe
love through me
i feel in the right, self-justified giving coins away
but what about the time i consider mine not tomorrow but right now today?
clothe the naked; feed the hungry; welcome strangers
come on, get up and open your eyes
so would i give up:
pillows and cable, clothing and candy,
if a girl could have some more to eat?
would i lay down:
making all this money, just to have my milk and honey,
if my fellow man could get the chance to hear about the King?
there is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until i can hardly breathe
love through me
help us see, our eyes are weak, help us please
love through me
its simply beautiful. I can't express how I feel when I listen to this song. I think, "Yes! Yes! This is what I want! This is how I want to live!" I really want to sing it.
SO go check it out. Check it out on youtube, close your eyes, and listen to the words of the song. Here's one video, its not the greatest, but its pretty good. It'll do.
I think we should all ask ourselves how we want to live. What we want to do with our lives, and how we can show God's love through us.
Anyways, I was listening to this song, and decided i really like it. It might actually be my new favorite song right now. Its called Love Through Me. (well, that or Faint Not, which is constantly suck in my head) But Love Through Me is the perfect song for the 30 Hour Famine stuff, in my mind. I would love to sing it. Actually, Faint not wouldn't be that bad of a choice either....) The only problem is I'm not very good at guitar, and it would sound better with a guy singing along...
there is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until i can hardly breathe
love through me
i've never gone a day without a meal because i couldn't afford it
stood on a corner and begged for pennies, holding out a sign
call me blessed, but it sure does feel pathetic,
children ‘round the world are hungry now
so would i give up:
pillows and cable, clothing and candy,
if a boy could rest his tired bones?
would i lay down:
making all this money, just to have my milk and honey,
if my fellow man could get the chance to watch his children grow?
there is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until i can hardly breathe
love through me
i feel in the right, self-justified giving coins away
but what about the time i consider mine not tomorrow but right now today?
clothe the naked; feed the hungry; welcome strangers
come on, get up and open your eyes
so would i give up:
pillows and cable, clothing and candy,
if a girl could have some more to eat?
would i lay down:
making all this money, just to have my milk and honey,
if my fellow man could get the chance to hear about the King?
there is plenty on this earth to suit our needs
but there will never ever be enough to satisfy our greed
weigh this heavy on me now until i can hardly breathe
love through me
help us see, our eyes are weak, help us please
love through me
its simply beautiful. I can't express how I feel when I listen to this song. I think, "Yes! Yes! This is what I want! This is how I want to live!" I really want to sing it.
SO go check it out. Check it out on youtube, close your eyes, and listen to the words of the song. Here's one video, its not the greatest, but its pretty good. It'll do.
I think we should all ask ourselves how we want to live. What we want to do with our lives, and how we can show God's love through us.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Nostalgia... and ramblings. I warned you. Really, you don't have to read this if it bores you. I'll post something more interesting soon.
I really have been trying to post more often. Really. Its just that it was finals week this week (yeah, weird high school semesters) and I had to study and stuff. Four day weekend now, though! :) I've been feeling very nostalgic lately. I'm not really sure why. Actually I'm not even sure if thats the word I'm really looking for. Maybe it is. Either way, it kinda works. I guess. I'm trying to be more observant to the world around me. Trying to understand people and why they do things certain ways.
I've been missing a very good friend of mine, EB lately. I really just want to talk to her. To see her again, as its been years. She still has no idea what she means to me, what she meant to me all those summers ago.
It's still hard to grasp that I'm a junior now, even though its been a whole semester. Half of me is itching to get out of here, to make my mark on the world, to discover who I really am. The other half wants to curl up under my covers, go back to eight grade and never grow up. I'm so happy that C moved back to the area, but I'm crying that S is moving to Spain in a few months. She's been my best friend for thirteen years. I'm going to miss her like none other.
And I miss JS. I felt so close to her at camp this year. I felt like I could tell her anything. But then she never responded to my texts anymore, and whatever little thing we had fell apart. But I still miss her. I guess it wasn't uncalled for. We barely knew each other, and she went back to her college life and her friends, and I was only one kid in a summer of kids for her. But I long for a mentor type person like her. And then whenever I think of that, I think of L, and how I really wish we could be closer. That I could have her for a mentor. That I could go to coffee with her and talk and tell her everything I think she ought to know about me. But she's starting her family, and I know thats more important right now, but I miss what might have happened had it all gone different. What, I'm not sure. But something.
For some odd reason, one I can't even begin to justify, I start missing a certain someone M whom I have never even met, only had indirect contact with. I almost met M once, but nothing happened. I wish something had. I wonder how I can miss someone so much when I haven't even met me, and I know for sure that they don't even know who I am. I thought for months that I gave up M, telling God to do with these teenage girlish longings what he wanted. And for a while I thought I had changed, nothing would ever come of it, and I was totally cool with that. But then I started thinking about this person again and again, and for no apparent reason, all the old feelings are back. I try to tell God, "take these longings if they are not from you", but nothing changes, and I'm lost confused and missing something I've never known.
I'm struggling with trust. And yet somehow, I manage to give everything up without much of a care these days. I honestly don't know where my life is even remotely headed. But somehow, I'm almost ok with that. Wow that was a lot of rambling. Kudos to you who make it this far. And don't forget to comment, if you have anything at all to say.
I've been missing a very good friend of mine, EB lately. I really just want to talk to her. To see her again, as its been years. She still has no idea what she means to me, what she meant to me all those summers ago.
It's still hard to grasp that I'm a junior now, even though its been a whole semester. Half of me is itching to get out of here, to make my mark on the world, to discover who I really am. The other half wants to curl up under my covers, go back to eight grade and never grow up. I'm so happy that C moved back to the area, but I'm crying that S is moving to Spain in a few months. She's been my best friend for thirteen years. I'm going to miss her like none other.
And I miss JS. I felt so close to her at camp this year. I felt like I could tell her anything. But then she never responded to my texts anymore, and whatever little thing we had fell apart. But I still miss her. I guess it wasn't uncalled for. We barely knew each other, and she went back to her college life and her friends, and I was only one kid in a summer of kids for her. But I long for a mentor type person like her. And then whenever I think of that, I think of L, and how I really wish we could be closer. That I could have her for a mentor. That I could go to coffee with her and talk and tell her everything I think she ought to know about me. But she's starting her family, and I know thats more important right now, but I miss what might have happened had it all gone different. What, I'm not sure. But something.
For some odd reason, one I can't even begin to justify, I start missing a certain someone M whom I have never even met, only had indirect contact with. I almost met M once, but nothing happened. I wish something had. I wonder how I can miss someone so much when I haven't even met me, and I know for sure that they don't even know who I am. I thought for months that I gave up M, telling God to do with these teenage girlish longings what he wanted. And for a while I thought I had changed, nothing would ever come of it, and I was totally cool with that. But then I started thinking about this person again and again, and for no apparent reason, all the old feelings are back. I try to tell God, "take these longings if they are not from you", but nothing changes, and I'm lost confused and missing something I've never known.
I'm struggling with trust. And yet somehow, I manage to give everything up without much of a care these days. I honestly don't know where my life is even remotely headed. But somehow, I'm almost ok with that. Wow that was a lot of rambling. Kudos to you who make it this far. And don't forget to comment, if you have anything at all to say.
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