Growing up, moving out, moving on.

There are so many things I'd like to hold onto. So many moments from my childhood that I want to keep with me always. So many thoughts and images and people that I'd like to hold close forever.

I cry every time I hear Taylor Swift's "Never Grow Up" now because it reminds me that there are things I'm going to have to let go. Relationships I worked so hard on, ways of living that come naturally. Routines change and people part and its hard. It hurts to let go of people I feel I've known my whole life, even though it may be just a few years, because we spent so much time together. but none of us know where life is taking us, and our ways part here. Our paths may never cross again.

I worked out the other day with some new friends. I had a good time, I felt good about myself. But as I stepped into the shower later that evening, it hit me that this is how it was going to be from now on. I wasn't going to run in High School cross country, I wasn't going to have meets and runners high with some of my closest High School friends. I may never run with K, J, or R again. And, quite frankly, that hurts.

As much as I want to be an adult, to make my own way in this world and find out who I am and what I was made for, I don't want to let go of the past. I miss my friends. I miss knowing people, already having close relationships formed. I miss not having to guess if I'm going to say or do the right thing, act in a way that doesn't weird out the people around me.

I don't know what the future will hold. It terrifies me. The life I'm living, the place I am does not feel real, it feels like a game that I'm playing; in a few weeks it will be over and I'll go home. Things will go back to normal.

But that's not going to happen.

I guess I'm just going to have to trust that this is where I'm supposed to be. This is where I was supposed to end up, at least for now. I don't have the whole next year planned out, let alone the next few, and that terrifies me. Everything was always handed to me, someone else was always in control. And now that it's up to me, I that much more scared I'll mess up.

But maybe someday I'll jump, and instead of being pulled back down by gravity, I'll find my wings and fly away into the waiting sky above.

College: Week 1

So, this week I moved to College. So far it's been pretty fun. I've met a ton of people (though, sorry, I can't remember most of their names) and have gotten to do lots of things, with even more to come this weekend. My roommate is pretty awesome, and I feel like I'm transitioning pretty well so far. Although i will say, it doesn't quite feel real yet. I mean, this is only the third day we are here, and honestly it feels like some sort of camp or conference, just one that I hardly know anyone at.
I'm excited though. Classes start monday, and that will be fun and interesting. We have to read a book called "The Book of My Lives" by Aleksandar Hemon, and honestly, I'm pretty excited about it. Yes, I'm a nerd and proud of it.
Anyway, just wanted to post again, and hope I haven't lost my entire following in the last few months. Hopefully I will still have time to keep regular postings in the weeks to come.
As always, thanks for reading!