This might be long and confusing...its mostly ramblings

Tonight I am overflowing with emotions for a 23 year old woman named Katie Davis. She founded Amazima Ministries in Uganda, Africa in 2008, and lives there today as a mother of 13 Ugandan girls. More about Amazima here.
I recieved Katie's book, Kisses from Katie for Christmas this year.
I have spent the last two days devouring each page, scouring youtube for videos of her and her interviews, and reading all her blog posts. The way she carries herself, the way she talks and lives is more than anyone would ever expect from a 23 year old. I see in her someone I almost secretly dream of becoming. Her story is beautiful and breathtaking and almost surreal. Her life is a beautiful example of love. I cannot tell you how much reading her story and watching her interviews and looking at her pictures makes me want to drop everything and move to Uganda. :) But seriously, this is wakening a passion for missions and ministry in me that I only kind of realized I had before. I long to see for myself the kind of love these people have, the kind of faith and trust they have in Jesus.
I've been realizing that where I am now is not very trusting. But I don't need to be. I have everything I need. I don't have to trust in God for really anything.
And I hate it.
I hate that I can't live simply, and trust God for every little think. I hate that I don't need to. That I think I can make it on my own, and don't have to drop to my knees before God when it becomes too much. Everything around me is pushing me upward, toward self sustaining, prosperous living. But deep inside, all i want to do is get rid of it all, and live on nothing so I have to trust in God to sustain me.
Don't get me wrong, being able to provide for yourself and your family is wonderful. Amazima is working toward that in many ways. But being able to provide for and sustain your family is a very different category from being a prosperous human being. I tend to forget what it looks like to lose everything.
I Don't Want to Gain the Whole World, and Lose My Soul.
I'm scared of becoming so caught up in this whirlwind of life that I lose sight of what is truly important. I'm scared that I've already lost it.
Katie's story breaks my heart in a million different ways. I think in my head that this is what I want to be, what I want to do. But my heart is not sure, and I don't want to be wrong. I pray that God will show me what I'm supposed to do, who I'm supposed to be. And how to get there from Here. Because right now, I feel like I'm living a life in the middle of the ocean, on a tiny little raft, with no where to turn. And only God can get me onto dry land.